faces down
under the streetlights, glowing
neatly I declare with certainty
the words that keep you at my side

I ease in slowly
I love all that you say
I'm all teeth for you
all rainbows and smiles

the carnival curtains sway effortlessly
unseen, denied
and red lips, smeared and dripping
weave words in metallic 
unending and repetetive
they bury themselves deep
ease in and caress 
turn to static
as eyes wide, empty and blind
gaze from behind the stage
they don't care
don't feel

and when I finally get to you
I'm scared of all I could do


---------------

an afternoon light
dull across the wood
in grey sunday
I push myself through the door
see a familiar face in the hallway
through the corridors
upside down
I feel the colors run
across the walls

in time
the spectres laugh
behind ruby lips
and echo the ages
in mirrors of gold

eyes, sapphires
gaze down
from forgotten tombs

"deeply lost in the night. just as one sometimes lowers one's head to reflect, thus to be utterly lost in the night. all around people are asleep. it's just play acting, and innocent self-deception, that they sleep in houses, in safe beds, under a safe roof, stretched out or curled up on mattresses, in sheets, under blankets; in reality they have flocked together as they had once upon a time and again later in a deserted region, a camp in the open, a countless number of men, an army, a people, under a cold sky on cold earth, collapsed where once they had stood, forehead pressed on the arm, face to the ground, breathing quietly. and you are watching, are one of the watchmen, you find the next one by brandishing a burning stick from the brushwood pile beside you. why are you watching? someone must watch, it is said. someone must be there."

-Kafka

watch these please

THIS

AND THIS

The Upstairs Room

I love it all
These games we play
I close my eyes
You run away
I'm sure I asked you to stay
But now you're gone

And so I feel the grey
Pulse in my head
I turn off the lights and crawl into bed
I try to think of sunshine
But my body goes wet
With the first crash of thunder...

I don't think I can know
Anyone but you dear
That's for sure!

When it gets to four
It's my turn to go
Oh the kiss!
So alcoholic and slow
Arranging me for Saturday
I thought you would know
That I always sleep alone...

I don't think I can know
Anyone but you
Dear
That's for sure!

The upstairs room is cool and bright
We can go up there in summer
And dance all night...

Your sister started talking at a minute after ten
So everyone jumped up
And then fell over again
In April you can join them
And stare at me
At the ghost from your past...

-RS


here's to spring

yellow
green
blue
warm breeze
in cool rooms

"The love of this atmosphere comes, no doubt, from the days of my childhood, and a secret yearning I have for something homelike drives me, though with little hope, to follow the same old stupid road. Then again, I like the contrast between my lonely, loveless, hunted, and thoroughly disorderly existence and this middle-class family life. I like to breathe in on the stairs this odor of quiet and order, of cleanliness and respectable domesticity. There is something in it that touches me in spite of my hatred for all it stands for."

"There were now and then, though rarely, the hours that brought the welcome shock, pulled down the walls and brought me back again from my wanderings to the living heart of the world. Sadly and yet deeply moved, I set myself to recall the last of these experiences. It was at a concert of lovely old music. After two or three notes of the piano the door was opened of a sudden to the other world. I sped through heaven and saw God at work. I suffered holy pains. I dropped all my defenses and was afraid of nothing in the world. I accepted all things and to all things I gave up my heart."


-Harry Haller (Herman Hesse)

Thirty pages in and it's already one of my favorite books.

"I didn't understand that sarcasm is a screen-the last refuge of shy, pure persons against those who rudely and insistently try to break into their hearts. Until the last moment, her pride prevented her from saying exactly what she felt. I should've guessed that, if only from the timid hesitation she had to overcome to make her defensive, sarcastic remark. But I didn't understand, and a nasty feeling pervaded me.
"Wait", I said to myself, "I'll show you."

-The Underground Man (Dostoyevsky)

-Victor Ekpuk

"Before you can let things go, you have to admit them into full consciousness. In meditation, our aim is to skillfully allow the subconscious to arise in consciousness. All the despair, fears, anguish, suppression and anger is allowed to become conscious...we contemplate fear and desire so that these do not delude us anymore: we have to know what is deluding us before we can let it go."

"...in this way you are moving towards what is going on in your own body rather than being pulled out into objects of the senses. If you do not have any refuge within, then you are constantly going out, being absorbed into books, food and all sorts of distractions. But this endless movement of the mind is very exhausting."

"...this is where many of us in our society get stuck. For example, American society does not allow you to develop emotionally, to mature. It does not understand that need at all, so it does not provide any rites of passage for men. The society does not provide that kind of introduction into a mature world; you are expected to be immature your whole life. You are supposed to act mature, but you are not supposed to be mature. Therefore, very few people are. Emotions are not really understood or resolved - their childish tendencies are merely suppressed rather than developed into maturity."

"If you are someone who is always being wounded or offended by life, you always have to run off and hide or you have to find a group of obsequious sycophants to live with, people who say: 'You're wonderful, Ajahn Sumedho.' 'Am I really wonderful?' 'Yes, you are.' 'You're just saying that, aren't you?' 'No, no, I mean it from the bottom of my heart.' 'Well, that person over there doesn't think I'm wonderful.' 'Well, he's stupid!' 'That's what I thought.' It's like the story of the emperor's new clothes isn't it? You have to seek special environments so that everything is affirmed for you - safe and not threatening in any way."

-Ajahn Sumedo


CONSTANT CARNIVAL

stolen from Mark, but so good I just had to put it here:

"Out of damp and gloomy days, out of solitude, out of loveless words directed at us, conclusions grow up in us like fungus: one morning they are there, we know not how, and they gaze upon us, morose and gray. Woe to the thinker who is not the gardener but only the soil of the plants that grow in him."

-Nietzsche

"Let us have a care not to disclose our hearts to those who shut up theirs against us."
-Francis Beaumont

"Political language -- and with variations this is true of all political parties, from Conservatives to Anarchists -- is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind."
-George Orwell

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."

-Aldous Huxley

A sick society breeds sick people, who, unknown to themselves, suffer unconscious and seemingly invisible symptoms.
As you would avoid a person with a cold or any other sickness in varying degrees in order to avoid contamination yourself, I think the only healthy thing to do is avoid these sick people so as to avoid contracting psychic, emotional, and spiritual disease.
This is not to say they are to be ignored, banished, abused, or deliberately ostracized. We wouldn't do that to a person with a physical sickness that can spread. We interact with them of course, but we do keep a certain distance from them, don't we?
I think it is the same with other levels of sickness.

But I don't think it is their fault. It is easy to know when you are physically sick but many in the modern world never know the multiple dimensions of their possible and mostly unconscious disease...how could they, they are never taught means to know it and instead, are forced to become sick themselves through a system that tells them sick is healthy.

And I have grappled with my tendencies in the past of avoiding certain people...I felt as if I was hiding too much behind a wall...or being too high and mighty...even when I really don't think I am. But somehow today I realized some of the major reasons behind this.
It is just too emotionally, psychically, mentally, and spiritually draining. Other people's essences can infect and get into you if you aren't careful...it happens very subtly and quietly. This can be a good thing...but with sickness, obviously it is not.

These people obviously need medicine, but it is very hard to cure someone when they don't know, and cannot be convinced, of their sickness.

really falling in love with this band now

The Cool Web

Children are dumb to say how hot the day is,
How hot the scent is of the summer rose,
How dreadful the black wastes of evening sky,
How dreadful the tall soliers drulling by,

But we have speech, to chill the angry day,
And speech, to dull the roses's cruel scent,
We spell away the overhanging night,
We spell away the soldiers and the fright.

There's a cool web of language winds us in,
Retreat from too much joy or too much fear:
We grow sea-green at last and coldly die
In brininess and volubility.

But if we let our tongues lose self-possession,
Throwing off language and its watery clasp
Before our death, instead of when death comes,
Facing the wide glare of the children's day,
Facing the rose, the dark sky and the drums,
We shall go mad, no doubt, and die that way.

-Robert Graves

"...for modernity has transformed us, our minds, bodies and spirit, into an alien life form; one not suited to life on earth without the mediating forces of technology, culture and organized religion. We are weak and pitiful in our strength over the earth – in conquering, we have destroyed ourselves."

-WITTR

"A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."

-Mark Twain

the winter fades
the ground eases under my step
and the wind turns to kisses

towards the path, in the park
the parents and joggers
the dogwalkers and carriage pushers
keep their distance
firmly set, on the pavement
distracted
they speak of houses, cars, victories

on the hill, amongst the pines
a child looks down under waves of golden dust
surrounded by friends, brothers, toys of wood and stone

________________________


ocean chorus
waves of blue smoke surround

and I sink further into heaven
drifting in droplets
wading in time
to voices familiar and far

swirling like the moon in silver
they strike their notes
guiding the waves
upwards and through my vision




With the weather like it was today, and my further exploration of the Arboretum, I feel as if I am returning to a world I had forgotten existed...one that I missed very much.

cobalt night
on the bridge, over the water
her face reflected dimly
in the passing waves

a distant chorus
a far away melody
fills the cold air
and brings me closer

and I touch her sandpaper heart
as the leaves fall silently
into the water
away from the city


___________________________________


dreams of crimson
creep in through forgotten doors
swarming
buzzing
undeniable

in the basement they shake
they fill my mind with oceans
of wailing ghosts on empty shores

drowned in stale images
fight it back
tear it out

End of the Comedy

Eleven o’clock, and the curtain falls.
The cold wind tears the strands of illusion;
The delicate music is lost
In the blare of home-going crowds
And a midnight paper.

The night has grown martial;
It meets us with blows and disaster.
Even the stars have turned shrapnel,
Fixed in silent explosions.
And here at our door
The moonlight is laid
Like a drawn sword.


-Louis Untermeyer

there's some very beautiful music in this movie
I love this movie

getting drunker/iggy pop's "the idiot"

the city

read this whole thing please

UH OH

this was a nice thing to watch again

The Cure - Let's Go To Bed sélectionné dans Musique et Rock / Pop

"Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength"

-Eric Hoffer

Organic farming under attack

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CLICK

I think a good experiment for anyone to do, on a regular basis, would be to ask the question "why" more often. Especially regarding your own self.

There is definitely a scale here...too much and you'll drive yourself crazy, but not enough and you are a slave to a certain unconsciousness.

man this blog is so heavy man
I'm not really like this ALL the time, I swear

harder to connect
harder to balance

try to remember those ideas
those tricks and shortcuts
but it breaks through
destroying the solace, the manufactured silence

maybe the weather
maybe the city
I have never felt this

is this the way forward

-------------------------


black fog of words all spoken at once
drifts through the edges of the amber streets
louder than bombs
slow as snakes

I see you in slivers of light
leaning against the wall
a hundred hands all around
grasping the damp, smoky air
they keep me in my place

and when I see you smile
I remember some other place
some other time
and I forget when
and I forget where

_______________________________


"Death belongs to life as birth does, even as walking contains the raising of the foot as much as the laying of it down"

-Rabindranath Tagore