In the rain
there are always small footsteps in my room
in the forgotten corners where

because of the blankets and
the white walls turned away from me

I sing the silent song
of strange halls and empty doorways

this land as a wound
with monuments of diamond eyed
frozen breath

I live forever in the wooden wombs
of restless bodies

until a whisper in the winds
slight and slow
speaks hands full of rain, and flowers

with an ascent towards that white death
a bounty beautiful as summers dawn

dissolve into the grey cupboard of winter
and chew the night's eyes with a mouth of slow breaths
with the fog, I walk towards the trees past the pavement in a dream
touch a picture of my past and read the words written a decade ago
that speak of who we once were

a figure on a hill
an icy walk, slow and skinny in the pale moon
shining through the black lines between November's Earth
behind the streets and dull ordered lights
watching with precision

my heart aches with what I have become
but to tear this away would unravel too much
and I lie amongst the stars, focused on the light
as it comes in slow waves

near to the window my hands turn colder
and after a time
they scream for this sensation like a moth to the flame

it is a familiar feeling in the colder months
yet now, as always at the start of it all
I feel beckoned, almost challenged
by the night wind through autumn's black window

as in a dream I open my door,
and the secrets whisper all the louder
and the layers unfold again
down the raw streets scratched across with leaves
the incense of the air
swaying with the boughs in cold embrace

all is beautifully stark
somehow clear in its mystery
and inwardly warm
in all its terrible majesty

it is summer, and the city tears at me
I breathe in dirt and suffocate
I think of a time years ago
of candy eyes
red lips and silver words
and there are no words I can remember now
among the slogans and empty phrases
the hollow eyes and snakeskin smiles
that seem real to me

I reach out to you
a hollow drum in a dusty basement
beating, muffled under dirty stone
as my memory fades
into dead wood along darkened streets

-------------------

in my eyes a hundred screens of static
blue with a silent terror
as my voice turns, grinds, chews
endless
over and over
silent to deafened ears

I give in
forget the past
forget my mind
and with my body clenched
my mind as water
I fall away to unknown places

I cannot do this
this is not me
I do not understand

alcoholic red
those wide eyes in black branches
that silent laughter in a silent mind
it brings me closer
towards your door

and I stay behind
I feel the silence
like slow flowers in tightened skin

and still
I came through the window looking for you
I came in dreams
and in dreams I am with you
with easy smiles
with shifting eyes
to riddle you with jeweled tongues

dripping, shining in a black mirror

white spires on foggy shores
distant as the moon
call with whispers, loud as lions

turn round and breathe deep, the heavy scent
the porcelain caress
dripping like honey in the silver gateway
of all smiles and serpents

and I dance sideways,
toward the silent and slow
the white, cracked walls
a stage upon a stage

I dance with slow knives in my heart
a mask on my face
sliding and swaying through the fog on the stage

I lust for damp emerald dance nights
silver drift over scent of lotus
lost in the dripping jade

running down steep hills

a fire at dusk
with drums in the dark

give me silence
I can't meet your eyes with this noise
all these smiles in summer dazed nights
it could last forever
in silence, slow motion

and you seem so happy
that it frightens me, just a little

it was easy the other day, those games we played
but underneath it all
something I can't quite place
something at the windows

so give me silence
before I take your hands in mine
give me time
to breathe in the air
see the lights outside
turn away for a while

to get lost in the black alleys
and the amber streets

so that you may find me there

the third story floor
the flickering light
fingers outstretched and shaking
and a body as marble

eyes as silent alarms awake
and with the certainty of wolves
glide towards the window

I am outside
listening through the wind
and watching

---------------------


drifting farther and farther through the city
under blackened skies
on and on 
we pass the grey streets with the white houses

in the car, in the backseat
I stare at the lights going by
one by one
on and on
the grey streets with the white houses


far from the streets
far from the houses
I'll call you and say nothing
voice under radio noise
staring at blue screens
and static

under grey clouds in april
it was warm
as you stood near

I felt as sand
falling to pieces as in a dream
crawling slowly through images unknown
I did not want to see

and I can not remember
what has become of you now
where I have gone


far away
the people sit in the windows at night
smiling at nothing in particular

faces down
under the streetlights, glowing
neatly I declare with certainty
the words that keep you at my side

I ease in slowly
I love all that you say
I'm all teeth for you
all rainbows and smiles

the carnival curtains sway effortlessly
unseen, denied
and red lips, smeared and dripping
weave words in metallic 
unending and repetetive
they bury themselves deep
ease in and caress 
turn to static
as eyes wide, empty and blind
gaze from behind the stage
they don't care
don't feel

and when I finally get to you
I'm scared of all I could do


---------------

an afternoon light
dull across the wood
in grey sunday
I push myself through the door
see a familiar face in the hallway
through the corridors
upside down
I feel the colors run
across the walls

in time
the spectres laugh
behind ruby lips
and echo the ages
in mirrors of gold

eyes, sapphires
gaze down
from forgotten tombs

The Cool Web

Children are dumb to say how hot the day is,
How hot the scent is of the summer rose,
How dreadful the black wastes of evening sky,
How dreadful the tall soliers drulling by,

But we have speech, to chill the angry day,
And speech, to dull the roses's cruel scent,
We spell away the overhanging night,
We spell away the soldiers and the fright.

There's a cool web of language winds us in,
Retreat from too much joy or too much fear:
We grow sea-green at last and coldly die
In brininess and volubility.

But if we let our tongues lose self-possession,
Throwing off language and its watery clasp
Before our death, instead of when death comes,
Facing the wide glare of the children's day,
Facing the rose, the dark sky and the drums,
We shall go mad, no doubt, and die that way.

-Robert Graves

the winter fades
the ground eases under my step
and the wind turns to kisses

towards the path, in the park
the parents and joggers
the dogwalkers and carriage pushers
keep their distance
firmly set, on the pavement
distracted
they speak of houses, cars, victories

on the hill, amongst the pines
a child looks down under waves of golden dust
surrounded by friends, brothers, toys of wood and stone

________________________


ocean chorus
waves of blue smoke surround

and I sink further into heaven
drifting in droplets
wading in time
to voices familiar and far

swirling like the moon in silver
they strike their notes
guiding the waves
upwards and through my vision




With the weather like it was today, and my further exploration of the Arboretum, I feel as if I am returning to a world I had forgotten existed...one that I missed very much.

cobalt night
on the bridge, over the water
her face reflected dimly
in the passing waves

a distant chorus
a far away melody
fills the cold air
and brings me closer

and I touch her sandpaper heart
as the leaves fall silently
into the water
away from the city


___________________________________


dreams of crimson
creep in through forgotten doors
swarming
buzzing
undeniable

in the basement they shake
they fill my mind with oceans
of wailing ghosts on empty shores

drowned in stale images
fight it back
tear it out

harder to connect
harder to balance

try to remember those ideas
those tricks and shortcuts
but it breaks through
destroying the solace, the manufactured silence

maybe the weather
maybe the city
I have never felt this

is this the way forward

-------------------------


black fog of words all spoken at once
drifts through the edges of the amber streets
louder than bombs
slow as snakes

I see you in slivers of light
leaning against the wall
a hundred hands all around
grasping the damp, smoky air
they keep me in my place

and when I see you smile
I remember some other place
some other time
and I forget when
and I forget where

_______________________________


"Death belongs to life as birth does, even as walking contains the raising of the foot as much as the laying of it down"

-Rabindranath Tagore

Nostalgia

The waning moon looks upward; this grey night
Slopes round the heavens in one smooth curve
Of easy sailing; odd red wicks serve
To show where the ships at sea move out of sight.

The place is palpable me, for here I was born
Of this self-same darkness. Yet the shadowy house below
Is out of bounds, and only the old ghosts know
I have come, I feel them whimper in welcome, and mourn.

My father suddenly died in the harvesting corn
And the place is no longer ours. Watching, I hear
No sound from the strangers, the place is dark, and fear
Opens my eyes till the roots of my vision seems torn.

Can I go no nearer, never towards the door?
The ghosts and I we mourn together, and shrink
In the shadow of the cart-shed. Must we hover on the brink
Forever, and never enter the homestead any more?

Is it irrevocable? Can I really not go
Through the open yard-way? Can I not go past the sheds
And through to the mowie?--Only the dead in their beds
Can know the fearful anguish that this is so.

I kiss the stones, I kiss the moss on the wall,
And wish I could pass impregnate into the place.
I wish I could take it all in a last embrace.
I wish with my breast I here could crush it, perish it all.

-D. H. Lawrence

Vera

Does anybody here remember Vera Lynn?
Remember how she said that
We would meet again
Some sunny day?
Vera! Vera!
What has become of you?

Does anybody else here
Feel the way I do?

-Roger Waters


watched the Wall again recently and have been thinking about that piece of work quite a lot lately.
It has a strong affect on me.

something at the gate
taking hold

drifting further and further away

To all those that are consistently considerate of other human beings on this planet, and who take other people's feelings into account,
To all those who realize that another person is just as valid as you are on all levels-emotionally, spiritually, and physically,
To all those who hold themselves to a sense of honor and integrity and see other people and other life forms as worthy of honor themselves and not something to be used, abused, taken advantage of, lied to, cheated, or looked down upon,

You make this society something I want to be a part of.

I do know people like this, and I am very, very grateful.


But to those who manipulate,
to those who candy coat their words, spout half-truths, lie, and have no desire whatsoever to understand their actions and don't care anyway,
to those who have no consideration whatsoever of other people, or any regard for the consequences of their actions on another's life,
to those who place themselves on altars yet betray themselves with their actions


fuck you


may the pain you cause come back to you many times over until the demons force you to open your mucus covered eyes